Positive vibrations and stuff. LOL

I realize I haven't posted anything on here in a while. I keep saying it's because I'm busy, and that IS true. What's also true is I've been bogged down in depression.

I've improved significantly since last year. I consider 2015 the worst year of my life, emotionally. And though I've improved, I've still been feeling so...BLAH. It's just not like me and I'm sick of it.

I've had bouts with depression in the past, but not often, and never anything that even came close to last year. That was ridiculous! So, I got to asking myself, "What changed?"

Here it is ... BIG REVEAL ... I stopped being grateful. 

Now, I know some of you are thinking, "What a crock of sh**." Right? Ha. Ha.

I am a firm believer in the Law of Attraction. I have used it to great effect in my life and I know, that I KNOW, that it works. So, why was I suddenly in such a hole emotionally?

It was a gradual decline. What you think about, you bring about. If you walk around feeling stressed out and worrying about bills, etc., you are going to bring more of that into your life. You are attracting it to you, whatever it is, good or bad.

I had more stress in my life as a result of an increase in my business (writing). And I let it get the better of me. Rather than focusing on how grateful I was to be able to do what I love (as I'd done in the past), I began to focus on, "How can I keep up this pace?" "Will I make enough to afford a new roof?" And the very worst, I began to wonder if I deserved this success. That was the most damaging of all. Yes, I do deserve to succeed at what I've worked hard for, and so do you. Never doubt that.

A few days ago I began to make a mental list of the practices I used to do, daily, that improved my life. Then, I began to implement them again. This is the third day and already I am in a completely different state of being.

What you think about is not as important as how you feel. That is a very important fact that I'd forgotten. I needed to feel good, and I needed to do it fast. One of the fastest ways for me to do that is to watch the movie, The Secret. I know a lot of people think it's bull. That's fine. You don't have to believe in order for it to work for me. LOL

This isn't anything religious. In fact, I'm not a fan of religion, on the whole. This is science. We all vibrate at a certain frequency. Different thoughts and corresponding emotions change that frequency. We attract people and circumstances into our lives that match our frequency. It's as simple as that. If you walk around angry and feeling like crap, you will attract angry, crappy people into your life.

I don't want that!

So, when a negative thought crosses my mind, I immediately replace it with a positive thought, and a sense of gratitude.

Here's an example. "I haven't been able to workout as much lately. I'm afraid I'll gain weight."

I replace that with, "I'm getting more exercise today than I was last week. I am so thankful for my beautiful, healthy body."

OR

"What if people don't like this book and I've put all this time and energy into it?"

I replace that with, "Readers have specifically asked me for a sequel, so someone DOES like this. I am so thankful to be able to do what I love for a living."

It might sound like a load of hippy crap, but it's working for me. There is always something to be grateful for. That feeling of gratitude will bring more things into your life to be thankful for. Even if you're having the worst day of your life right now, you can read this, can't you? Be grateful for your eyesight, or that you have a computer. See what I mean?

It takes effort, but eventually, it will become second nature to me again. That's what I'm working toward.

I hope this helps someone else who might have been in the same type of emotional black hole. There is a way out. You can survive.

Do you do NaNoWriMo?

For those who don't know, that's National Novel Writing Month. I've never participated before. At least, I thought I hadn't until I read a post today by the lovely and talented Sidney Bristol. As it turns out, I'm a NaNoRebel. You can check out Sidney's post HERE on the Romance Authors Marketing Network.

Anyway, all I knew about NaNoWriMo was that a bunch of people (some authors already, some hoping to be soon), tried their best to finish a novel in the month of November.

As many of you know from reading my blog or being my friend on Facebook, I have issues with anxiety. Not always, thankfully, but it can get overwhelming at times. Have a written a novel in a month before? Sure. I've written 80,000 words in just two weeks before. But committing to writing at least 50,000 words in one month? Nope. I didn't think it was for me. It just seemed like added pressure.

With writing full-time, marketing, editing, doing cover art, etc., and taking care of myself, my family, and my dogs, it just seemed like too much.

Don't get me wrong, I write all the time. Almost every day, in fact. The only exception is that after a big project (like writing a whole series in just a few months), I like to take a week or two off. During that time, I still market and work on cover art if I need to, but I don't write.

I also have a schedule that sits on the left side of my desk. It reminds me which books I need to release during each month and what I need to have written for the next year. Adding something else to that seemed more than a little bit intimidating.

In the past I've written a novel during November many times. Not because I signed up for anything, but because it was already on my schedule. So, I told people that I didn't do NaNoWriMo, because I do get asked pretty often. It turns out I was wrong!

If you are writing during the month of November, you are participating in NaNoWriMo. Wow. I just learned that. LOL

I'm not sure that I'll sign up on the website, but I do have some definite goals for this month. They aren't the traditional complete novel of 50k or more though. My goals are to finish editing a novella called Dragon Charmer and add about 15,000 words to it. After that, I'm going to immediately start working on the 4th book in a new series for next year called, There's No Place. If I can finish those two things this month, I'll be very proud of myself. I'll also have written around 70,000 words. 

What about you? Do you have specific goals that are not exactly standard NaNoWriMo?

Sign up here to be all "official" and stuff.

It's amazing what offends people

It really is. In fact, I'm fairly certain that someone read that headline and was ALREADY offended. LOL

Okay, prepare yourselves, this is going to be a bit of a rant.

Since I spend at least some time on social media each day, I've noticed something strange. People don't seem to want you to be happy. I had always heard in the past that if you posted negative things constantly that people would unfriend you. I've certainly stopped following some people who never seemed to have a good day. We all go through rough times, but not every moment of every day.

Here's the weird thing I've been experiencing: Every single time I post about accomplishing something POSITIVE I get unfriended by at least one person.

I was thrilled to hit the USA Today list for the second time in my career. Of course, I didn't do it alone. Everyone who helped make it possible is awesome. My point is, I posted about it and lost 3 friends. WTF?

A few days later I posted about my workout schedule and got unfriended by a few more people.

The next day I posted about my latest karate training session and I lost MORE friends.

Now, if I clogged up my author page with nothing but personal stuff, I might could understand people no longer liking the page. I do occasionally post some fun/personal stuff, but mostly it's about writing. But on my personal page, I have a life. That is allowed, you know? LOL

I don't share anything deeply personal, but I see nothing wrong with posting about my life goals. Earning a black belt in krav maga and Shotokan are major life goals for me. It's something I should have done 10 years ago, but due to things I could not control, I've been on hold. Well, not any more. I CAN control things now and I want what is mine. 

Nothing in life has ever been handed to me, whether it was writing or karate, or anything else, I've worked for it. 

In the past few months I've even had people send me hateful messages on Facebook saying that they don't care about my workouts or things like, "I'm overweight and I don't want to hear about how much you workout." And your situation is my fault? I'm truly sorry that anyone is struggling with weight. I've been there and it sucks. But I'm not there any longer because I took charge of my body and my life. Staying put is a personal choice and NOT my fault.

Before anyone takes that the wrong way, I'm not making fun of anyone. I wouldn't do that. It's cruel and horrible, and not at all who I am. I'm just saying that we create our own reality to a large extent. And if someone is sitting around pointing fingers and being offended because you are meeting your goals, they have too much time on their hands.

This past year depression really knocked me on my ass. There is no nice way to say that. I was down and I went down HARD. But you know what got me up again? ME! I did it! I pulled myself up off the ground and I came up swinging. And I don't intend to stop any time soon. I have goals to meet! You know who will meet those goals? ME! Not anyone else. If you want something, you have to take it. Get up off your ass, stop judging everyone else and TAKE what you want from life. Work for it. Kick its ass. Get it done.

Okay. End of rant.

The power of positivity

I don't know about anyone else, but it's been one of those weeks for me. I'm not going to get overly personal, but I will share some random positive things. Why? Because it makes me feel better. Maybe it will help some of you out there, who are also stressed out, to feel better as well. Get ready for some ridiculous crap. LOL

These are in no particular order, and they aren't "about" anything in particular either. This is just a random collection of things that make me smile. I hope they make you smile also.

Because everyone needs to feel like a unicorn sometimes. :)

It's Batman on a unicorn. It needs no explanation.

We are now ready for the dookie apocalypse. LOL

Why am I posting this?

This is me in Target. LOL 

I love horror movies, therefore, this is funny. LOL

Hell, yeah! 

This is my mouse pad. Really. 

Because one does not simply stop making Mordor jokes. ;)

Anger management issues. LOL

I have laughed way too much at this.

Because unicorns are awesome. 

This is what I need to look at every day. 

This concludes my randomness. I hope it helped. LOL

Why I do this, and my current goals

It's no secret, I've been under a lot of stress. For those who just read my blog or occasionally see a Facebook post and detect anger, you're not wrong. LOL But, it's not about stupid reviews, or sales data, or even a heavy workload. Although, some of those things might be the trigger, they are not the root cause.

I'll try to sum it up without over-sharing or looking like a whiner. My stress levels have been extremely high for about 6 straight years. We've had several deaths in the family, along with other issues. About the time I got my first publishing contract, I lost my job to budget cuts. Honestly, it was one of the worst jobs I'd ever had, highly stressful, but it paid the bills. I was able to briefly find other employment, but lost 3 more jobs due to budget cuts. Needless to say, this took a toll on me emotionally and financially. It put a strain on every aspect of my life.

Writing was my dream, but that dream quickly became a must. I had to sink or swim. There was no in-between. So, I wrote like hell. Don't get me wrong, I didn't churn out books just for money. Hell, I only recently started making enough to live on.

I wrote what was in my heart. I poured pieces of my soul onto the paper and I sold it off, bit by bit.

I've put in many long days and nights and more hours of advertising and promo than I could ever add up. It is damn hard to make a living as a writer. I had to do it, as there were no other job options in the rural area where I live. But I had an advantage. This wasn't just for money. This was what I WANTED. It's who I am and what I am meant to be. So, I've worked my ass off.

It wasn't difficult for me to get my first contract. I didn't struggle with a pile of rejection letters. However, I did struggle to get my books in front of readers who would enjoy them. That has been my biggest challenge.

All that work did not begin to pay off until October 2013, when I finally made the Amazon Best Sellers list and began to reach a larger audience.

For the first time, I was connecting with people on a huge scale. My vampire menage collection is still in the top 20 in Dark Fantasy, and spent a whole month at #1. I am thrilled with this. :)

The unfortunate downside is, that creates a lot of pressure to hurry up and put out another book. LOL Yes, it's a downside that I'll gladly live with. I'll take earning a decent living for my hard work ANY DAY over nearly being homeless, working my ass off, and not getting paid.

The biggest challenge I'm facing at the moment is that my wrists are totally worn out from all the writing. I don't have carpal tunnel syndrome or anything serious. This is more of an issue of overuse. Like, consecutively writing about 4,000 words a day for months and months without a break. The most I've rested between books for the past 4 years is probably 2 weeks. I'm exhausted. I'm also typing this very, very slowly so as not to further aggravate my hurting wrists.

Currently, I have 3 things on my "To Do" list. 1. Finish After Dark. (That's the 7th Lilith Mercury book.) 2. Take time off. 3. Read some books. LOL Really, that's it. Simplicity helps me.

Since it hurts so much to type, I'm writing out the end of After Dark by hand. The book will still be out by it's scheduled release in January 2015.

So, if you see a post that seems as though I've flipped my wig, just consider that I'm really, really tired and I'm probably taking things too seriously at the moment.

I appreciate my loyal readers very much, and just wanted to give everyone an update.

Pros and Cons of reading reviews

First, let me say that this is written tongue-in-cheek, and not to be taken seriously. This is just for laughs and perhaps a bit of therapy for myself and my fellow writers. While some of this CAN be taken seriously, most clearly cannot. LOL

TO READ                                                           NOT TO READ                                        

-I would know what people think
  about my books.                                               - Knowing changes nothing.

- I would know if someone insulted me.             - You cannot change what people say
                                                                           and defending yourself is NOT allowed.
                                                                           Neither is an anal assault with a pickaxe.
      
- What if someone called me names?                   - If someone directly insulted you,
                                                                             THEY look  like the asshole. Just
                                                                             kill them off in your next book.            
               
-What if it's really nasty?                                     - You don't have anywhere to hide
                                                                             the body.


-What if they REALLY don't like
  what I've written?                                             - SCREW THEM. You aren't going to
                                                                            change it. They can suck a fat one.
                                                                            If you're lucky, they might choke on it.      
        
-What if they are saying cruel shit?                      - It doesn't matter what they say,
                                                                            as long as people are still enjoying
                                                                            your books. Seriously, this one is for real.
 
       
-What if they don't like what some
  of the characters do?                                        - SCREW THEM. They didn't write
                                                                            the book.

- What if they say my characters
    are immoral?                                                  - That just makes them look like a prude.
                                                                            You  cannot track them down and
                                                                            smack them with a dildo.
 
- What if they are offended by
   something a character says?                            - In the words of Yoda, "Offended you
                                                                            are? A f**k I don't give." Seriously,
                                                                            you wrote each character with their
                                                                            own personality. Don't censor that
                                                                            based on what people MIGHT
                                                                            think.
         
- What if they complain about
   similarities between characters?                      - SCREW THEM. Many people have
                                                                            things in common. That does not
                                                                            mean they are not original.
         

- What if they insult me PERSONALLY?               - Let's be real here, you don't know where
                                                                             they live, so put down the baseball bat.

- Remarks I've read in the past
   really hurt my feelings.                                     - People are assholes. You can't change that.
                                                                               And you can't kill them.

- This character shared my personal
  opinion and they insulted her/him.                  - You have been insulted before, mostly by
                                                                            jealous twats. It will happen again.

- What if I am on the best seller list,
   and I don't know it because I can't
   look at the book's page?                                  - Knowing wouldn't change anything.
                                                                             And  you might accidentally see
                                                                             another display of stupidity.
                                                                             Have a hot cocoa and relax.
                                                                                             


- What if my books are getting bashed
    and I don't know?                                            - Then you won't be forced to hire
                                                                              a hacker to track them down
                                                                              so that you can stomp the jelly
                                                                              out of their skulls. After all,
                                                                              it would ruin your new shoes.
                                                                                               
In all seriousness, if the people who like your books outnumber the people who hate your books, you are doing just fine. Are you getting positive letters from readers? Great! Focus on that. THOSE ARE THE PEOPLE YOU ARE WRITING FOR.

Like I said, this is meant to be humorous and sarcastic. I am not actually contemplating tracking someone down and stomping the jelly out of their skull. LOL

Most of all remember, reviews are for READERS not WRITERS. I realize that many will disagree with this. But, if you work with an editor, you are already getting feedback from a professional. Your books overall ranking on Amazon (or any other site) tells you everything you need to know about everyone else's opinion all wrapped up into a number. Unless, of course, you only have one review and it's someone being a total jerk. Don't take that to heart. Wait until you have SEVERAL reviews to form an overall/more balanced perspective.

I speak from experience. Words hurt and people (on the whole) don't care whose direction they sling them in.

So, protect your sanity. Stop reading reviews and get back to work on your next book.

Everybody wants more happiness, right?

Well, there are several simple ways to boost your feelings of happiness. Most of these involve increasing production of the hormone serotonin. (This is the "feel good" hormone.) Everyone is under stress, no matter what they do for a living. However, writers face a different set of challenges. For one thing, writing is by its nature a very lonely profession. We spend countless hours alone with our computers. No matter how much you might be in love with your PC, it can't talk back and the closest it comes to showing affection is not contracting a virus. LOL

With that in mind, here are a few helpful tips to increase your level of happiness.

Eat oatmeal for breakfast. One cup of oatmeal contains 94 mg. of tryptophan, an essential building block of serotonin. Plus, if you add a banana to the mix, you get extra vitamin B6 a nutrient that helps convert tryptophan to serotonin. Eating this first thing in the morning helps you get off to a "feel good" start.

Snack on carbs. Yes, I used the "c" word. Ha. Ha. Ha. Eating a snack of carbohydrates alone speeds up the production of serotonin within 20 minutes. Don't grab a doughnut though. Go for fruit, veggies, and whole grain crackers. That way you can do something good for yourself and not feel guilty. Or, if it's been a really crap day, maybe go for the doughnut.

Get more vitamin D. Vitamin D is relatively cheap and can be purchased at most any supermarket. Taking this supplement daily can boost your serotonin levels by as much as 26%.

Read a book. This is a great way to keep your stress levels low. If you can only spend one hour a day reading something you enjoy, it will do wonders.

Drink hot chocolate. The combination of calcium and antioxidants in hot cocoa boosts your brain's serotonin output for up to seven hours. Indulging in this treat can make you calmer and happier, plus sleep sounder if you have this before bedtime.

Using these stress busting tips can decrease your chances of headaches, indigestion, joint pain, and even weight gain.

Now, doesn't that sound relaxing?

If you're wondering how I know all this, I researched it. Thoroughly. Now that's just one less stressful thing you have to worry about. You can just collect the information and move on with your busy life. :)

Catching up, and a guaranteed way to get more work done

I just realized it's been a while since my last post. Wouldn't want anyone to think I dropped off the face of the earth or anything. Ha. Ha. Ha. If you've been reading my blog lately you might see that I've had a lot of issues staying motivated. Not just with writing, but with life. It's often very difficult to stay positive. However, I've found something that really works. Stay off the internet and don't watch the news. Seriously.

I've been spending drastically less time online and I feel fantastic. I see just enough news to know what's going on in the world, and then I turn it off. I log in to Facebook maybe once or twice a day (this is a lot less than usual for me), but I don't read every post. Why? Because many are negative and they will only bring me down. That may sound rude or harsh, but you gotta look out for yourself.

I've also been checking my email from my phone. It makes the process simpler and I'm not chained to the computer.

This strategy has so far helped me start a garden, clean my yard, write more words per week, and spend quality time with my son.

When I turn off the computer and write by hand, it amazes me how much better my work is. By the time I turn on the computer to type it all up, I have even more to add and embellish. It's fantastic!

On another positive note, I've been working out more. By turning off the computer, I'm not wasting so much time on things that really weren't helping me get any work done. Now I'm getting into better shape AND I've got a novella that's coming along nicely.

Oh, and my pumpkin garden is looking great! If you can't tell, I love fall. October is my favorite month, and Halloween is my favorite holiday. I spend all year looking forward to that first hint of fall in the air. *sigh*

Here are the varieties I'm growing this year. Blue moon, Atlantic Giant, and Moonshine. Of course, there will be regular Jack-O-Lanterns as well as some mini-pumpkins called Jack-Be-Little. As of right now, I've got 73 healthy plants.