It really is. In fact, I'm fairly certain that someone read that headline and was ALREADY offended. LOL
Okay, prepare yourselves, this is going to be a bit of a rant.
Since I spend at least some time on social media each day, I've noticed something strange. People don't seem to want you to be happy. I had always heard in the past that if you posted negative things constantly that people would unfriend you. I've certainly stopped following some people who never seemed to have a good day. We all go through rough times, but not every moment of every day.
Here's the weird thing I've been experiencing: Every single time I post about accomplishing something POSITIVE I get unfriended by at least one person.
I was thrilled to hit the USA Today list for the second time in my career. Of course, I didn't do it alone. Everyone who helped make it possible is awesome. My point is, I posted about it and lost 3 friends. WTF?
A few days later I posted about my workout schedule and got unfriended by a few more people.
The next day I posted about my latest karate training session and I lost MORE friends.
Now, if I clogged up my author page with nothing but personal stuff, I might could understand people no longer liking the page. I do occasionally post some fun/personal stuff, but mostly it's about writing. But on my personal page, I have a life. That is allowed, you know? LOL
I don't share anything deeply personal, but I see nothing wrong with posting about my life goals. Earning a black belt in krav maga and Shotokan are major life goals for me. It's something I should have done 10 years ago, but due to things I could not control, I've been on hold. Well, not any more. I CAN control things now and I want what is mine.
Nothing in life has ever been handed to me, whether it was writing or karate, or anything else, I've worked for it.
In the past few months I've even had people send me hateful messages on Facebook saying that they don't care about my workouts or things like, "I'm overweight and I don't want to hear about how much you workout." And your situation is my fault? I'm truly sorry that anyone is struggling with weight. I've been there and it sucks. But I'm not there any longer because I took charge of my body and my life. Staying put is a personal choice and NOT my fault.
Before anyone takes that the wrong way, I'm not making fun of anyone. I wouldn't do that. It's cruel and horrible, and not at all who I am. I'm just saying that we create our own reality to a large extent. And if someone is sitting around pointing fingers and being offended because you are meeting your goals, they have too much time on their hands.
This past year depression really knocked me on my ass. There is no nice way to say that. I was down and I went down HARD. But you know what got me up again? ME! I did it! I pulled myself up off the ground and I came up swinging. And I don't intend to stop any time soon. I have goals to meet! You know who will meet those goals? ME! Not anyone else. If you want something, you have to take it. Get up off your ass, stop judging everyone else and TAKE what you want from life. Work for it. Kick its ass. Get it done.
Okay. End of rant.
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Thursday, October 29, 2015
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
The world keeps turning
Isn't it strange? One of my favorite comedians, Robin Williams is dead, yet the world hasn't stopped. It feels like it should, doesn't it? It's so crazy to think that this is what happens when someone amazing leaves this world.
I never would have thought that one of my favorite funny men also battled depression for many years. Having fought the beast off and on I can say that I understand. I've never been quite that low, but I've gone awfully dark before. For those who have never experienced depression, be grateful that you don't understand. People from all different walks of life go through depression. It's not just something that happens to poor people, people who are sick, or people who have been abused. So often, those are the stereotypes that go along with depression. You tell someone you're depressed and they say, "But you're not broke," or, "You had a good childhood." That has crap to do with it.
Even when everything is going right, that big black hole can swallow you up, out of nowhere. Sometimes an event can trigger depression, like the loss of a loved one. Other times, you can be on top of the world, yet unable to shake the "funk" that settles over you, and you don't know why. It is a scary and helpless feeling.
One of my neighbors, a friend of the family, committed suicide several years ago. I was in the car with my mother and my son when we drove by his yard and saw him lying there. He shot himself. Another neighbor had just arrived also. It was too late to keep my son from seeing him. For the purposes of this post, I'll call him Jack. Jack took his life with a borrowed gun for reasons that to him seemed dire. He was good looking, and always had a smile on his face. No one even knew he was fighting depression. When I close my eyes, I can still see him lying there beside the pampas grass. It felt like the world should stop then too, but it didn't. Someone new lives in his house now. The last I heard, his family, ex-wife, and ex-girlfriend are all doing fine. If you didn't know better, you'd think nothing bad ever happened on that pretty green lawn. The body of a broken man was never there. Only he was ... and none of us saw until it was too late.
So, I understand why Robin Williams might have felt that he had struggled too long, or that the fight was beyond him to continue. I get it.
But it's something I don't believe I could ever do. No matter how dark my depression has been in the past, giving up is not in me. I will fight to my last breath, no matter the struggle. It's who I am, and it's what I do.
Maybe I shouldn't post this. I'm sure some of you might wonder why I did. Maybe it's to connect with other people who might not realize that they are not alone. If you're struggling with depression, you are not alone. You're not weird. And people who tell you to "snap out of it" need to be kicked in the balls.
Seeing that depression could affect someone like Robin Williams put things into perspective for me. He must have felt so alone ... just like so many of us have felt before.
Depression doesn't strike because you are alone, or because no one loves you. That's not the way it works.
One thing I've learned, that has worked for me, FIGHT IT. Tell yourself that everything is going to be all right because you are the only one who can say that to yourself and make it happen. When you say it, it might feel like a lie. That's okay, just keep saying it. Take B vitamins and exercise. Expose yourself to something funny, repeatedly. Laughter really is like medicine to your soul. Fake it until you make it, as the expression goes. And one day, when you wake up the clouds will be a little brighter. It's not sudden, but it is a change. And it will get better. Find someone to talk to.
I keep asking myself, "Why am I writing this? Why am I opening up like this to complete strangers? Is this wise?" Who knows? But I feel like I should. I feel like someone out there needs to hear it.
You are not alone, and given time, things will get better.
I never would have thought that one of my favorite funny men also battled depression for many years. Having fought the beast off and on I can say that I understand. I've never been quite that low, but I've gone awfully dark before. For those who have never experienced depression, be grateful that you don't understand. People from all different walks of life go through depression. It's not just something that happens to poor people, people who are sick, or people who have been abused. So often, those are the stereotypes that go along with depression. You tell someone you're depressed and they say, "But you're not broke," or, "You had a good childhood." That has crap to do with it.
Even when everything is going right, that big black hole can swallow you up, out of nowhere. Sometimes an event can trigger depression, like the loss of a loved one. Other times, you can be on top of the world, yet unable to shake the "funk" that settles over you, and you don't know why. It is a scary and helpless feeling.
One of my neighbors, a friend of the family, committed suicide several years ago. I was in the car with my mother and my son when we drove by his yard and saw him lying there. He shot himself. Another neighbor had just arrived also. It was too late to keep my son from seeing him. For the purposes of this post, I'll call him Jack. Jack took his life with a borrowed gun for reasons that to him seemed dire. He was good looking, and always had a smile on his face. No one even knew he was fighting depression. When I close my eyes, I can still see him lying there beside the pampas grass. It felt like the world should stop then too, but it didn't. Someone new lives in his house now. The last I heard, his family, ex-wife, and ex-girlfriend are all doing fine. If you didn't know better, you'd think nothing bad ever happened on that pretty green lawn. The body of a broken man was never there. Only he was ... and none of us saw until it was too late.
So, I understand why Robin Williams might have felt that he had struggled too long, or that the fight was beyond him to continue. I get it.
But it's something I don't believe I could ever do. No matter how dark my depression has been in the past, giving up is not in me. I will fight to my last breath, no matter the struggle. It's who I am, and it's what I do.
Maybe I shouldn't post this. I'm sure some of you might wonder why I did. Maybe it's to connect with other people who might not realize that they are not alone. If you're struggling with depression, you are not alone. You're not weird. And people who tell you to "snap out of it" need to be kicked in the balls.
Seeing that depression could affect someone like Robin Williams put things into perspective for me. He must have felt so alone ... just like so many of us have felt before.
Depression doesn't strike because you are alone, or because no one loves you. That's not the way it works.
One thing I've learned, that has worked for me, FIGHT IT. Tell yourself that everything is going to be all right because you are the only one who can say that to yourself and make it happen. When you say it, it might feel like a lie. That's okay, just keep saying it. Take B vitamins and exercise. Expose yourself to something funny, repeatedly. Laughter really is like medicine to your soul. Fake it until you make it, as the expression goes. And one day, when you wake up the clouds will be a little brighter. It's not sudden, but it is a change. And it will get better. Find someone to talk to.
I keep asking myself, "Why am I writing this? Why am I opening up like this to complete strangers? Is this wise?" Who knows? But I feel like I should. I feel like someone out there needs to hear it.
You are not alone, and given time, things will get better.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Food for thought
Writing is a lonely job. When you finish a book, it represents far more than whatever the story is about. It's hours of lost sleep. It's time away from your family and friends. It's a piece of who you are and what you are all about. Likely the only one who will ever fully understand that is YOU.
I'm not saying people won't enjoy your work, or that they won't understand it. I'm saying that everyone reads things from a different perspective. They have their own ideas and prejudices from the beginning, just like you do when you write.
Knowing that you are the only one who will ever really know what that book was about, that is pretty lonely.
If you try to explain that to someone, you will likely be asked, "Why did you decide to become a writer then?"
You don't exactly "decide" to become a writer. You either are one, or you are not. I am, and I've always been, a writer.
I am truly and deeply grateful that after six years of hard work, my books are finally taking off. That's great and I am thrilled. However, this means that I am exposed to more and more people, which means more and more assholes will attack me simply because I'm right in front of them.
When I go out I have a 50/50 chance of being recognized either because someone read my book/books and loved it or because they hate my guts and think they could do better. I simply do not understand all the hatred. It is never okay to behave that way.
If you don't like what I write, then don't read it. Move on to something that is more to your liking and don't be a dick to me for writing what I enjoy.
If you think you can do better then by all means, do it. I sincerely wish you luck. If you want to write, then write. Go for it. Don't sit around hating other people because they have accomplished their goals. I'm sure they worked their asses off to be where they are.
While I am beyond excited to see my books climbing the charts, I am also heartbroken because I can no longer watch that climb. Why? Well, because I am sick of my books getting trolled. If I look at that shit I'll never be able to write another word. Reading hurtful reviews (or even good ones sometimes) can cripple a writer. You won't be able to put anything on the page for fear that people won't understand it, or they will attack you for it. I can't do that. This is what pays my bills and I have to keep writing. Therefore, I can no longer look at my rankings because it is impossible to see that without seeing reviews.
Do me a favor everyone? Before you reply in an email to someone or write a review, or communicate with anyone in any way ... think about it. Realize that there is an actual person with thoughts and feelings on the receiving end of your words. If they haven't done anything personally to you, then don't attack them on a personal level. What if you were on the receiving end of your letter or review? Would it upset you, or hurt your feelings? If so, then don't send it.
Just some food for thought.
I'm not saying people won't enjoy your work, or that they won't understand it. I'm saying that everyone reads things from a different perspective. They have their own ideas and prejudices from the beginning, just like you do when you write.
Knowing that you are the only one who will ever really know what that book was about, that is pretty lonely.
If you try to explain that to someone, you will likely be asked, "Why did you decide to become a writer then?"
You don't exactly "decide" to become a writer. You either are one, or you are not. I am, and I've always been, a writer.
I am truly and deeply grateful that after six years of hard work, my books are finally taking off. That's great and I am thrilled. However, this means that I am exposed to more and more people, which means more and more assholes will attack me simply because I'm right in front of them.
When I go out I have a 50/50 chance of being recognized either because someone read my book/books and loved it or because they hate my guts and think they could do better. I simply do not understand all the hatred. It is never okay to behave that way.
If you don't like what I write, then don't read it. Move on to something that is more to your liking and don't be a dick to me for writing what I enjoy.
If you think you can do better then by all means, do it. I sincerely wish you luck. If you want to write, then write. Go for it. Don't sit around hating other people because they have accomplished their goals. I'm sure they worked their asses off to be where they are.
While I am beyond excited to see my books climbing the charts, I am also heartbroken because I can no longer watch that climb. Why? Well, because I am sick of my books getting trolled. If I look at that shit I'll never be able to write another word. Reading hurtful reviews (or even good ones sometimes) can cripple a writer. You won't be able to put anything on the page for fear that people won't understand it, or they will attack you for it. I can't do that. This is what pays my bills and I have to keep writing. Therefore, I can no longer look at my rankings because it is impossible to see that without seeing reviews.
Do me a favor everyone? Before you reply in an email to someone or write a review, or communicate with anyone in any way ... think about it. Realize that there is an actual person with thoughts and feelings on the receiving end of your words. If they haven't done anything personally to you, then don't attack them on a personal level. What if you were on the receiving end of your letter or review? Would it upset you, or hurt your feelings? If so, then don't send it.
Just some food for thought.
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