My son is growing up and I can't cope

My son is growing up and the strangest thing is happening. I can’t cope. I was already having a hard time dealing with the idea of a girlfriend. Then I cleaned house today. In a box I had completely forgotten about were some pictures that I had also forgotten. Among them the smiling three year old face I had almost forgotten too.

How does that happen? It’s simple really. He gets taller and I get used to looking at that. His hair darkens and I get used to that too. The baby fat disappears and somewhere along the way I forgot how much I missed it.

I used to lay awake at night and wonder when he’d stop waking me up because he had a bad dream. Now I lay awake and wonder why he doesn’t do it anymore. He’s starting to look like a young man and it’s killing me.

I can’t tell you how long I’ve been crying now over that little face in those pictures. Or how much my head hurts because of it. I was young when he was born. Hell, I’m still young now. But I feel so old tonight. I’ve worked so many years to make a life and in the process I feel I’ve missed one. His. Like so many women it was necessary for me to work outside the home. Here I am unemployed again (other than my income from writing) and wondering, what’s the use? What has any of it gotten me?

Sure, I helped to pay the bills. But right now as I look at these pictures I can’t remember what it felt like to hold him as a baby. I can’t recall how “little” his voice sounded. We didn’t own a video camera until he was older so my memories are the only way to ever experience those moments again. But my memory tells me how I put work first. How I always needed sleep instead of time to play because I had to go to work early. To a boss who was an asshole while I left my son with my mother.

Maybe every parent feels this way. I don’t know. What I do know is that I would give anything to have those years back.

I guess what it all boils down to is that my son is growing up … and I can’t cope.

Since pirates like to share so much

Spread this around. I’ve filed for bankruptcy. Based on the number of times my books were downloaded (and this is just what I know about) I lost roughly $10,000 last year. If each of those downloads had been an actual sale (I know that others will argue the point, I’m saying IF) then I would not have lost my car and would most likely not be having to file bankruptcy now to keep from losing my home.

If you like what I do, don’t steal from me. If I’m homeless, I can’t write. Even if you don’t give a damn about me on a personal level, take into account that I need a place to live in order to write.

I know there are a lot of people out there right now thinking they wouldn’t share this information if it were them. I want pirates to know this. I’m going on the idea that deep down people don’t want to hurt each other. Besides, screaming does no good and I don’t know where they live.

For every person, like me, who speaks up … think how many others keep silent.

And the winner is.....

Violet! I put all the names in a hat and yours was the one I drew:) Congratulations! You've won the bag of swag. lol

Send me an email at tracey h kitts @ yahoo.com (minus the spaces) And let me know where to mail your prize.

Thanks everyone for entering. I'll do another contest soon:)

I'm also participating in the June Jubilee over at Coffee Time Romance. Stop by my Author Corner and take a look at excerpts or Dracula's Drink Recipes.


http://www.coffeetimeromance.com/board/forumdisplay.php?f=1394

Contest Reminder

Don't forget, it's still not too late to enter my contest to win a "bag of swag." LOL

Here's the original link:

http://traceyhkitts.blogspot.com/2010/05/because-i-feel-like-it-contest.html


A winner will be drawn in three days:) Good luck!

Just read an article that said women don't like act/hor movies & prefer stuff like Sex & the City. Screw $800 shoes, I wanna blow sh** up!

Guess what? I now have my very own group at Coffee Time Romance:)

http://ping.fm/SZcc7

Couldn't sleep so I'm up watching Beauty and the Beast. For those who think I'm talking about Disney, think again. Vincent rocks:)