The unfortunate trend of snark

First, I am not a fan of snark. (If you couldn't tell that from the title. LOL) I do not think it is clever, or funny, or cute. I think it is rude, often bitchy, and downright hateful. Unfortunately, it also seems to get worse this time of year.

Why am I blogging about this exactly? Because it bothers me. I do not understand the need to be harsh to a complete stranger unless they did something to me personally. Or attacked someone I care about for no reason.

Here is an example. 

I saw a woman walking down the sidewalk at a mall. She was wearing an outfit that I thought looked good, and she probably did too. Some snooty woman walked past her and said something to the effect of her outfit being a disgrace and she "shouldn't be allowed out in public."

I was stunned. I just stood there for a moment and starred. Then the woman on the receiving end of this started to cry. It broke my heart. Since I was right behind her on my way to the door anyway, I couldn't let it go. I told the snooty woman, "Why don't you do us all a favor, take your opinions, write them all down, and shove them up your ass. No one asked what you think!"

She looked pissed, but she left. The other woman thanked me and continued to cry. I asked, "Do you know her?"

She shook her head and said, "I've never seen her before in my life. Who does something like that?"

That is a very good question. Who does something like that to someone they don't even know? Not that knowing them would make it any better, but not knowing them sure does make it stranger.

Of course, this type of behavior is much more prevalent online. Most people who dish out what I call "Drive-by snark" or "Drive-by trolling" would never have the nerve to do this to someone in public. The internet gives anonymity to people who do this sort of thing for fun.

Being a public figure of any kind makes you more likely to have to deal with it too. I know authors who receive death threats in email because they didn't write a certain story the way someone thought it should go! (No, it wasn't me.) How insane is that?

I and many other authors have been the victim of overly personal and hateful reviews as well. Not liking something is one thing. Insulting the author or writing a deliberately ridiculous (for whatever reason) review is another.

It's difficult to imagine someone actually doing this sort of thing, but you'll find them everywhere. Regardless of topic, they are on many forums, all over Facebook, and of course, Goodreads.

People put this stuff out there on purpose, just to be hurtful. Just because they can.

Unfortunately, this is not real life. Well, it is, but not face to face, like the rude woman at the mall. If you voice an opinion here, you are "behaving badly." People form internet groups to organize attacks like this. Sounds unreal, doesn't it? It's true.

I'm getting sidetracked though. My point isn't to bitch about reviews. I wonder WHY people do this to each other. The example of reviews simply comes easily to me. By the way, I've had to stop reading reviews. I want to continue writing and that's what it takes for me. I had to shut that out of my life.

My point was, why do people treat each other so harshly over nothing at all. What purpose does that serve? It isn't funny. A human being with actual feelings is on the receiving end of that insult.

We've all been alive long enough to know that the world isn't full of sunshine and rainbows. No one expects that. However, there is a difference in giving an honest opinion and being an asshole. 

Am I perfect? Certainly not. If someone pisses me off, they generally know about it. However, standing up for yourself isn't the same as lashing out for no reason. I do my best to treat other people as I would like to be treated. It may sound cheesy or cliche, but it's true. It is also a valuable lesson that many people seem to have never learned.

Here's one more thing to think about. Everyone you meet is struggling with something. It might be their job, or finances, or a kid on drugs, or a crazy ex, or their physical health. Whatever it is, we all have battles that we fight. Just because you see someone with a smile on their face doesn't mean that smile came easily. Many such expressions (when they are genuine) are hard won. Who are you to take away their bit of hard-earned happiness? And why would you do it? Simply because you can? If so, you are a miserable person.

For all we know, they might be contemplating suicide. Maybe that hateful comment was the last straw for them? If you think that example is too extreme, think of Robin Williams. He always put his best face forward and look at what he was clearly struggling with.

No matter what face they present to the world, everyone is struggling with something. I would hate to know that I spent my time tearing another person down when I could just as easily lift them up.

Food for thought

Writing is a lonely job. When you finish a book, it represents far more than whatever the story is about. It's hours of lost sleep. It's time away from your family and friends. It's a piece of who you are and what you are all about. Likely the only one who will ever fully understand that is YOU.

I'm not saying people won't enjoy your work, or that they won't understand it. I'm saying that everyone reads things from a different perspective. They have their own ideas and prejudices from the beginning, just like you do when you write.

Knowing that you are the only one who will ever really know what that book was about, that is pretty lonely.

If you try to explain that to someone, you will likely be asked, "Why did you decide to become a writer then?"

You don't exactly "decide" to become a writer. You either are one, or you are not. I am, and I've always been, a writer.

I am truly and deeply grateful that after six years of hard work, my books are finally taking off. That's great and I am thrilled. However, this means that I am exposed to more and more people, which means more and more assholes will attack me simply because I'm right in front of them.

When I go out I have a 50/50 chance of being recognized either because someone read my book/books and loved it or because they hate my guts and think they could do better. I simply do not understand all the hatred. It is never okay to behave that way.

If you don't like what I write, then don't read it. Move on to something that is more to your liking and don't be a dick to me for writing what I enjoy.

If you think you can do better then by all means, do it. I sincerely wish you luck. If you want to write, then write. Go for it. Don't sit around hating other people because they have accomplished their goals. I'm sure they worked their asses off to be where they are.

While I am beyond excited to see my books climbing the charts, I am also heartbroken because I can no longer watch that climb. Why? Well, because I am sick of my books getting trolled. If I look at that shit I'll never be able to write another word. Reading hurtful reviews (or even good ones sometimes) can cripple a writer. You won't be able to put anything on the page for fear that people won't understand it, or they will attack you for it. I can't do that. This is what pays my bills and I have to keep writing. Therefore, I can no longer look at my rankings because it is impossible to see that without seeing reviews.

Do me a favor everyone? Before you reply in an email to someone or write a review, or communicate with anyone in any way ... think about it. Realize that there is an actual person with thoughts and feelings on the receiving end of your words. If they haven't done anything personally to you, then don't attack them on a personal level. What if you were on the receiving end of your letter or review? Would it upset you, or hurt your feelings? If so, then don't send it.

Just some food for thought.