First, let me say that this is written tongue-in-cheek, and not to be taken seriously. This is just for laughs and perhaps a bit of therapy for myself and my fellow writers. While some of this CAN be taken seriously, most clearly cannot. LOL
TO READ NOT TO READ
-I would know what people think
about my books. - Knowing changes nothing.
- I would know if someone insulted me. - You cannot change what people say
and defending yourself is NOT allowed.
Neither is an anal assault with a pickaxe.
- What if someone called me names? - If someone directly insulted you,
THEY look like the asshole. Just
kill them off in your next book.
-What if it's really nasty? - You don't have anywhere to hide
-What if they REALLY don't like
what I've written? - SCREW THEM. You aren't going to
change it. They can suck a fat one.
If you're lucky, they might choke on it.
-What if they are saying cruel shit? - It doesn't matter what they say,
as long as people are still enjoying
your books. Seriously, this one is for real.
-What if they don't like what some
of the characters do? - SCREW THEM. They didn't write
- What if they say my characters
are immoral? - That just makes them look like a prude.
You cannot track them down and
smack them with a dildo.
- What if they are offended by
something a character says? - In the words of Yoda, "Offended you
are? A f**k I don't give." Seriously,
you wrote each character with their
own personality. Don't censor that
based on what people MIGHT
- What if they complain about
similarities between characters? - SCREW THEM. Many people have
things in common. That does not
mean they are not original.
- What if they insult me PERSONALLY? - Let's be real here, you don't know where
they live, so put down the baseball bat.
- Remarks I've read in the past
really hurt my feelings. - People are assholes. You can't change that.
And you can't kill them.
- This character shared my personal
opinion and they insulted her/him. - You have been insulted before, mostly by
jealous twats. It will happen again.
- What if I am on the best seller list,
and I don't know it because I can't
look at the book's page? - Knowing wouldn't change anything.
And you might accidentally see
another display of stupidity.
Have a hot cocoa and relax.
- What if my books are getting bashed
and I don't know? - Then you won't be forced to hire
a hacker to track them down
so that you can stomp the jelly
out of their skulls. After all,
it would ruin your new shoes.
In all seriousness, if the people who like your books outnumber the people who hate your books, you are doing just fine. Are you getting positive letters from readers? Great! Focus on that. THOSE ARE THE PEOPLE YOU ARE WRITING FOR.
Like I said, this is meant to be humorous and sarcastic. I am not actually contemplating tracking someone down and stomping the jelly out of their skull. LOL
Most of all remember, reviews are for READERS not WRITERS. I realize that many will disagree with this. But, if you work with an editor, you are already getting feedback from a professional. Your books overall ranking on Amazon (or any other site) tells you everything you need to know about everyone else's opinion all wrapped up into a number. Unless, of course, you only have one review and it's someone being a total jerk. Don't take that to heart. Wait until you have SEVERAL reviews to form an overall/more balanced perspective.
I speak from experience. Words hurt and people (on the whole) don't care whose direction they sling them in.
So, protect your sanity. Stop reading reviews and get back to work on your next book.