Everything I have ever written represents a part of who I am. But no story has ever been more personal to me than the Lilith Mercury series. The story is told from her perspective, but she is more an expression of myself than a work of fiction.
The scars Lilith carries are my own, both the ones you can see, and the ones you can't. Her thoughts, her emotions, even her hobbies are my own. Every trauma she experiences represents a similar experience in my life. Not literally, of course, but emotionally.
The men in her life are not there because she is a raging slut, nor do they represent men in my life. They represent different aspects of myself, therefore, they are no less a part of Lilith than her own heart.
Marco is everything I wish I could be, and everything I ever wanted. He is a true hero. He is tough when he has to be. He is kind. He gives a lot of himself to others and knows exactly what he wants. This is why Lilith turns to him for direction.
Dracula is my pain. He is my broken heart put onto paper. After everything is stripped away, when I am emotionally bare, he is the monster that remains. He is immortal, wounded, and lonely. He is the emotional equivalent of everything that has caused me pain and how it changed me. That is why Lilith turns to him for comfort. If anyone understands pain and loss, it's Dracula.
Bade is my fantasies come to life, and I don't mean sexually. He says and does exactly what he wants, even if he knows it is wrong sometimes. Bade is always true to himself and that is why Lilith is drawn to him.
Alek represents my dreams. He can make people's dreams come true, even if it is only in their mind. He has the wisdom that I often wished I could have and gives the guidance that I often long for. That is what Lilith sees in him and why he is her confidant.
Elijah is my innocence. He is everything good in me and everything I feel that I have lost. He is the same for Lilith and that is why he means so much to her.
Lilith's powers say more about me than they do about her. She can take away the pain of others because that is something I have often longed to do. She heals with her emotions because I wish I could use mine to do the same.
Lilith wants more than anything to be normal, to be loved, and accepted for who she is. She is drawn to all the parts of her soul that are missing.
No, that doesn't mean that all these characters are or will be her lovers. (Some will be.) It means they are there for a reason.
Perhaps through growing as a person/character she can learn to accept these aspects of herself. Through writing her story, perhaps I can as well.
Maybe I shouldn't be this honest about myself and my writing. I just want people to know why I care so much about this series and why it matters to me.