Sex is not evil

I am continuously amazed by how many people are offended by sex. It's been around as long as we have. Ever since people first arrived on the scene, they've been doing it. So, why after all this time are people still offended by sex? Your guess is as good as mine.

Here's the thing that gets to me. The violence in my books is much more graphic in many cases than the sex. Yet in 6 1/2 years of being published, only ONE person has ever mentioned the violence. Still, that wasn't really a complaint. She simply mentioned that it might offended more sensitive readers. No one minds that heads are ripped off, hearts torn out, people are shot, dismembered, you name it. No one cares about any of that, just whatever you do DON'T HAVE SEX. That is crossing the line. Ha. Ha. Ha.

You've got to be kidding me!

But, this isn't just about my books. I've also noticed this disturbing (and stupid) trend in discussions about popular television shows. I'll use Game of Thrones as an example, because I like that show. No spoilers, I swear, but I will discuss season 3 in general and give a few examples without names.

The main complaint that I hear about Game of Thrones is that there is too much sex and nudity. Seriously? That is what bothers people? Children are murdered, people are gored and tortured in various ways. In season three, one person was horribly mutilated and left alive to deal with the aftermath. Not to mention the big slaughter scene that blew up the internet for about a week. The slaughter scene is the only exception I can think of, where people actually complained about violence.

I'm not saying that we should all be outraged by violence. I'm simply saying that it's ridiculous to watch someone get brutally murdered and then say, "Oh, how could they put boobies in this?!"

That's so stupid it's laughable. Besides that, the show comes with a content warning. At least, it did where I purchased my copy. My books also come with a content warning. And for the thousandth time, THEY ARE NOT FULL OF SEX. Just because a book has sex in it, does not make it erotica. If the entire book is about sex, THEN it is erotica. Most books DO have sex in them, they just don't always describe it as fully as the rest of the story. I choose to describe it, people ignore the warning label, and are offended.

Having sex in the story doesn't make it porn or smut either. Do all the rated R movies get a porn label for having a sex scene or two in them? No, of course not. They get a "Rated R for sexual content" label.

Yes, this has turned into a rant. It's just so ridiculous! I could understand if it was rape. That is horrible and offensive on so many levels. But consensual sex between adults who care about each other, THAT is what offends people? What about when the villain got his heart torn out and bled to death? No takers huh?

That's just wrong. If you don't want to read a book that has sex in it, then don't. People know what offends them and what doesn't. When something is clearly labeled, why go there? Personally, I don't want to watch anything with rape or childbirth in it. If a movie is labeled for rape, I will not watch it. If it even remotely sounds like it's going to have a horrible birth scene in it, I won't watch that either. That way, I'm not offended. It's that simple!

CORRECTION: In season 3, TWO people were horribly mutilated and left alive to deal with the aftermath. ;)

Sex should be sexy

Have you ever read a romance novel and absolutely cringed when you got to the sex scenes? I'm sure everyone has at some point. Either it was offensive or as I call it "clinical." I'm by no means perfect. However, I keep in mind as I craft a story, what is sexy and what isn't. Sure, this is a matter of personal taste to some extent.

I constantly ask myself and my writing partner, "Is this sexy or is it stupid?" Other people may disagree with the end result, but I don't put anything into my books that I don't think is hot. Ha. Ha.

I was just reading another blog where they asked the question what makes a book a "good read."

http://romancebooks4us.blogspot.com/2012/09/what-makes-good-read.html

Sex is the only thing I could add to the discussion. Wow. That sounded bad. You know what I mean. Yes, sex sells. It is also important in most romance stories, whether highly erotic or not. It's just like real life. If the sex is bad, why continue the relationship? In the case of a book, why keep reading?

For those unfamiliar with the romance genre, it's not all about the sex. But, like my example of a real relationship, it is very important.

I've started reading a few books by very well-known authors and had to put them down because the sex was so awful. One I recall had sex with no emotion in one of the opening scenes of the book. Um, what was the point? This guy hated someone so he wanted to have anal sex with her? What? Okay, so there was emotion, just not a good emotion involved.

Another that stands out as horrific (in my opinion) was a shifter story where the "hero" was obsessed with the way the herione's female parts smelled. Nasty, right? This was constantly on his mind AND he continuously said it out loud. I don't know about anyone else, but if a man had to announce how I smelled every time I walked into a room, I would slap the living shit out of him. That is gross! Every time we got a glimpse into this guy's mind he was breathing her in like he was snorting cocaine, and I might add, not even listening to her. All he could think was some crap along the lines of, "Ah, that sweet, hot, p***y." No, I'm not kidding. It was that bad. To make matters worse, he used this "sweet, hot" phrase over and over again. I had to stop reading because not only did I not find him attractive, but I wanted to murder him with an axe.

I kept thinking, "This is a NY Times Best Selling author? The whole book is about this woman's vagina. Is it actually a character?"

I never want anyone to feel that way when they read my books! As far as what is truly "sexy" I realize that is a matter of taste. However, some things are obviously NOT.

Another thing I can't stand to read is what I call a clinical description. I'm okay with the occasional use of words like vagina and labia. (However, using "vagina" in the middle of a love scene can only be pulled off by a few people and even then on rare occasions.) Those, I don't find off putting in any way. However, reading the word "penis" anywhere in a love/sex scene immediately takes me out of the moment. This word (to me) is cold and clinical. If a medical examiner is making note of someone's dead body and for any reason mentions genitalia, they would use the word penis. A doctor of any kind would use the word penis. But in the heat of the moment to hear a character say "penis" makes me laugh. I'm sorry, penis is a funny word. And to be perfectly honest, the clinical term (in my opinion) makes the hero sound less well-endowed. That's never a good thing, right? Ha. Ha. Ha.

I'm not suggesting that descriptions should be "flowery" by any means. Use frank language, just don't make it sound like your doctor is writing the scene.

I also think that getting overly descriptive with bodily functions is gross, whether during a sex scene or not. A mention once or twice, fine. But all the time? The stand-out example of this is a book I borrowed from a friend. The main character steals people's souls through sex by "swallowing" their essence. She later vomits them back up and stores them in a bottle. You heard me right. It was disgusting! Especially, since there was lots of kissing immediately after the whole vomiting up someone's essence part. No thank you. Oh, and a friend of hers dissolved into a squishy blob immediately after having sex with her. BLEH!

Okay, I'm done. Ha. Ha. Ha. I need to think about something else now or I won't be able to eat breakfast.