What the Lilith Mercury, Werewolf Hunter series means to me.

This post was originally written February 13, 2014, but since I still get a lot of questions regarding this series, I thought I'd share it again. And yes, it still means that much to me.

Everything I have ever written represents a part of who I am. But no story has ever been more personal to me than the Lilith Mercury series. The story is told from her perspective, but she is more an expression of myself than a work of fiction. 

The scars Lilith carries are my own, both the ones you can see, and the ones you can't. Her thoughts, her emotions, even her hobbies are my own. Every trauma she experiences represents a similar experience in my life. Not literally, of course, but emotionally.

The men in her life are not there because she is a raging slut, nor do they represent men in my life. They represent different aspects of myself, therefore, they are no less a part of Lilith than her own heart.

Marco is everything I wish I could be, and everything I ever wanted. He is a true hero. He is tough when he has to be. He is kind. He gives a lot of himself to others and knows exactly what he wants. This is why Lilith turns to him for direction. 

Dracula is my pain. He is my broken heart put onto paper. After everything is stripped away, when I am emotionally bare, he is the monster that remains. He is immortal, wounded, and lonely. He is the emotional equivalent  of everything that has caused me pain and how it changed me. That is why Lilith turns to him for comfort. If anyone understands pain and loss, it's Dracula. 

Bade is my fantasies come to life, and I don't mean sexually. He says and does exactly what he wants, even if he knows it is wrong sometimes. Bade is always true to himself and that is why Lilith is drawn to him.

Alek represents my dreams. He can make people's dreams come true, even if it is only in their mind. He has the wisdom that I often wished I could have and gives the guidance that I often long for. That is what Lilith sees in him and why he is her confidant. 

Elijah is my innocence. He is everything good in me and everything I feel that I have lost. He is the same for Lilith and that is why he means so much to her.

Lilith's powers say more about me than they do about her. She can take away the pain of others because that is something I have often longed to do. She heals with her emotions because I wish I could use mine to do the same. 

Lilith wants more than anything to be normal, to be loved, and accepted for who she is. She is drawn to all the parts of her soul that are missing. 

No, that doesn't mean that all these characters are or will be her lovers. (Some will be.) It means they are there for a reason.

Perhaps through growing as a person/character she can learn to accept these aspects of herself. Through writing her story, perhaps I can as well. 

Maybe I shouldn't be this honest about myself and my writing. I just want people to know why I care so much about this series and why it matters to me.

Dreams of walking on your hands

See, I didn't forget that I promised to get back to talking about dreams on this blog. LOL For those who don't know, I've been into dream interpretation for almost 20 years. It has been both a hobby, as well as something I occasionally do for friends of mine.

I also include many of my dreams in my books. The Lilith Mercury series, for example, is filled with dreams taken straight from my journal. I also use dreams as a source of inspiration for which direction to take some of my stories. 

As I was sitting here today, working on a new book, I realized that there is a new reoccurring pattern to my dreams. Lately, I keep dreaming about walking on my hands.

One dream in particular about walking on my hands will be included in the third book of my Unseelie of Atlanta series, Lord of Frost.

But lets get on with the dreams. 

Here is the first dream I had about walking on my hands. I'll edit out the names so as not to spoil the book this dream will be featured in. Everything else is exactly as it was in the dream.

As the dream begins, I know that I am dreaming. I am fully aware, yet I make no effort to take control. I want to know what my mind is trying to show me.

XXXXX is in front of me, lying on the floor between a bed and a wall. We are in someone else’s house. I have no idea whose house it is, only that it belongs to someone we do not know. He is fully clothed in his usual attire, jeans and a flannel shirt.

The next thing I know I’m doing a handstand. It takes me just a moment to steady myself. At first my back is straight. Then I realize it would be easier to balance my weight if I curled my legs toward my head in a scorpion position. I widen the position of my hands, and begin walking toward him. As I do this, he smiles.

In reality I don’t go around walking on my hands. I’m not even sure if I have the upper body strength, but in the dream it felt very natural. He moves his legs together so that I can straddle him with my hands and walk up his body.

We’re face to face and he continues to smile at me. The emotion in his eyes breaks my heart, because even in the dream, I know it isn’t real. But I miss this, so I allow myself to see and feel what I need to. It is both a comfort and a burden.

I lean down as if to do a push-up and press my chest against his. Slowly, I lower my body down, inch by inch until I am lying flat against him. His smirk is adorable as he says, “Please, continue.”

My heart flutters the way it used to when he smiles at me that way. Then we hear whoever owns the house coming back in. We laugh and get up, I’m assuming to hide or leave.

I wake up with a pain in my chest.

Needless to say, the first time I dreamed about walking on my hands was bittersweet at best. But, I figured it was too real to not put in a story somewhere. I felt like others could certainly relate.

This is the latest walking on my hands dream I had. This one was pretty simple. I was walking down a dirt road. The scenery was peaceful, woods, green fields, and I remember hearing birds. In this dream I knew that the path led to my house, even though that is not what the road looks like in reality. But in the dream, I knew I'd traveled this road many times. It was all very familiar to me. I felt at peace. I can still remember the way the ground felt beneath my hands. I wasn't struggling in the slightest to hold my weight. I felt free. And then I woke up.

Now, let's interpret, shall we?

Dreams are overlooked by so many people, but I believe they are how our higher selves communicate with us. Sometimes they hold messages we need to remember, or have yet to receive. Other times, they just remind us of what we’ve lost and break our heart.

The first time I had this type of dream we were in someone else’s house. Houses can represent people, our relationships with them or our feelings about them. But this was a stranger. Maybe I feel that some unknown aspect took this person from my life? After all, he was in the house when I arrived. Or maybe some as yet unknown part of myself knew it was time for me to move on.

He was lying on the floor beside the bed. Beds usually signify something about sex, even though this dream was not sexual despite how it might sound. In this case, maybe people would not have approved if I was sleeping with him and that’s why he appeared on the floor. I mean, it certainly seems that no one liked him, but didn’t tell me until after he was out of my life.

As for walking on my hands, hands are often symbolic of work or current projects. To walk on them means to take all the pressure, all the weight, in a way the body isn’t used to carrying it. I had to balance so carefully, just to be near him. Too much work and effort for someone who turned out to be toxic? I think so.

As for all of the emotions I felt ... I think I was just missing someone I once felt very close to, even if that person didn't really exist. At least, not the version of them I thought I knew.

The latest occurrence of this dream type was a much better experience, being in nature is always a good sign. This can pretty much be interpreted however the dreamer sees fit. For me, bright and beautiful scenery is self explanatory. 

I am really excited about the birds in the second dream.

Birds often symbolize goals, hopes and dreams. To hear them chirping and singing, like I did, represents joy, harmony, and love. This entire dream signifies a positive outlook on life and spiritual freedom.

I was still walking on my hands, still taking on a great deal, but it was not weighing me down.

These dreams happened roughly 3 months apart. I take this as a positive sign that I'm moving in the right direction.

So, what are your experiences with walking on your hands in dreams? I hope this helps someone in looking to interpret their own dreams.

Now, it's back to work for me. :) After all, books don't write themselves.